‘Tis the season, no, not that season (quite yet), but another season: An ode to autumn

This is from my 2011 scrapbook! I know right! Original images. Don't get used to it.
This is from my 2011 scrapbook! I know right! An original image. Don’t get used to it.

Happy Fireworks night. I don’t feel so firework-y tonight (long, heartfelt sigh), I’m just gonna have a huge bowl of spaghetti and read a book. I wrote this at the start of October but it’s been laying dormant until now – so sorry if it’s already a little outdated. Like, if this post was a fresh leaf when it was written in late-September, early-October, it’ll now be a mushed-up, rained-on mixture of pulp and chewing gum mashed into some pavement somewhere. Such is life. 

Look – I don’t know if it’s anything to do with the fact that both my parents were born within a week of each other at the crossover of September into October, so it’s ingrained into my DNA make-up or whatever; perhaps I’m overly sentimental for things like transitions and change and every other darned thing a writer can get sentimental about (SPOILER: everything)

Maybe it’s the familiarisation of routine that sets back in after a long summer: early nights, hearty meals, people bonding miserably over the miserable and changeable weather; maybe I’m a witch, whatever, who even cares – but autumn is my lady.

There is just something about darkness setting in earlier, leaves browning and yellowing and dark purpling, lying dead on the ground; that smell when they get rained on, get dried, and then turn into autumn sludge again. 

This season has more memories for me than any other. In the way that childhood/adolescence is often portrayed in films – hanging out with your friends all summer long, in sepia – I don’t feel as nostalgic about the summer as I do the autumn. (I spent a good few of my summer holidays as a child counting down the days until I could get back to school)

Autumn feels a lot more familiar than other seasons. Autumn and I are friendly to each other. Well, I say friendly. Ms. A.T gives me the gift of big, woollen jumpers, increased portion sizes with every meal (it’s getting colder – I need to be insulated) and this. I mean, I don’t listen to that all the time, although I wish I could say I did – but all I’m saying is autumn provides us with all the tools we need to stay in, get our heads down, and begin to create things. We don’t give it anything, we just sort of walk around in it. But thanks anyway, autumn!

Applying to online courses, looking up university degrees, pitching ideas to magazines. Maybe I link this time of year to being at school, slightly perspiring from the dusty heaters cranked up to 11.  Autumn feels pretty studious – until the clocks go back and you’re all ‘I’ll stay in Dreamland for another six or seven hours, thank you” – but there is a brief changeover period where I feel like getting my head down and getting to it.

I hope this feeling of wanting to begin new things prevails throughout the rest of my life. It’s convenient getting stuck into new projects at the start of the season when there’s stationary deals going on in every store across the world as everyone’s getting geared up for another academic year. 

Once we get into winter, every evening is a prime Netflix and chill time. And I don’t even mean Netflix and chill, I just mean Netflix and chill. Unfortunately.

Autumn, on the other hand, is pretty expectant. Suddenly, I have to face the fact that there is LESS than two months left in the year. The year! Like, Christmas, guys! Again!

And as I have to pretty much dismiss the potential of doing anything at all in the winter (hibernation, impending eternal darkness, Netflix), I always feel so inspired to spend time on my own, reading books I’ve been saving up all summer, scrapbooking everything I’ve been collecting over the last few months, taking time out to check in with myself and make sure I’m set for the long and cold winter (kind of like a squirrel collecting nuts).

As the nights get colder, it becomes way too easy to indulge nightly in mass social media-ing. I’ve recently deleted my Instagram, because although it’s great fun, it was stopping me from getting all my shit done by the time it needed to be.

[EDIT] That other girl that deleted her Instagram this week got loads of attention online, possibly because she was ‘goals’. Although she cried about being ‘goals’, so everyone was all “This girl was goals for her hot bod, now she’s goals for taking a stand on what is becoming a boring and negative daily ritual for many. The girl is just GENERALLY goals.” I deleted my Instagram and NOBODY even noticed. So I’m not goals, but I’ll do.

I thought it was about time to get rid of all those distractions as I work full-time and have so much I want to do in the evenings. The small solo projects I’m working on now may not amount to anything, but it’s not a waste of time. Use these precious autumnal opportunities to their full potential. It may be the compost that’ll turn into that good idea. Stay in for the night, turn your phone off, throw a huge jumper on, and work all the way through to the witching hour. (‘Tis the season, non?) Pritt-sticking, writing, painting, practising cartwheels: Use your time wisely, and get to it.

(Just for the archive, my first play is on in a couple of weeks (16-17 November)! I’ll probably write more about it and the process of writing it soon, when I have a few spare hours. I’m soooo proud of it. Now I just want to get started on something else! A feature film! A fashion line! A symphony!)

Things and more things – “It’s October 3rd”

Mini Paradise from Above my Desk with a Photo- Emma Dajska
Mini Paradise from Above my Desk with a Photo- Emma Dajska

I must make this post as short/or as a fast- as I can, as it is one of those beautiful, early-day in October sort of days where the sunshine is lazy and you can wear a jumper and drink tea whilst soaking up the warmth.

I’ve been offered a place on the Gap Year Diploma at the Central School of Speech and Drama! How grand. I may have wrote that in my last post. I literally have no idea what I post on here, no real recollection, and people say like “Oh yeah! I read that on your blog!” and I cringe deeply, in horror and regret ever saying words, ever.

The course should hopefully be very helpful for my application to drama schools again this year (if I EVER get round to it) – and really, REALLY hopefully be a good investment and starting point for me as a serious, professional actor-er in the long run. I plan to write about my drama school audition experience this year on here, as I’ve read a few and they can be very reassuring and helpful.
I feel very positive about me as a creative person right now, with the promise of this and new writing opportunities – and I can only thank certain people (particularly him) brimming with endless-optimism, general romanticism for life and genuine belief in me for that. I am very lucky, and grateful for First Aid Kit and their latest release for instilling literally ALL hope and resilience that us young lay-deez can essentially do anything, if we’re Swedish and have a sister.

(OH YES, we saw First Aid Kit last Wednesday- very very quickly, it was breathtaking – and I cried for the VERY beginning to the end, and then some, and spent a LOT of money on Montepulciano d’Abruzzo. A LOT.)

I am enjoying gap year life a lot more than I thought I would. Yes, I have to write nightly to-do lists just to ensure I get out of bed in the morning, but I am reading a LOT, (finally getting through the reading list that catastrophically built up in my stressful last year at school) – I can eat lunch, or brunch, or both, and then have a pre-dinner before dinner (bliss)- I can go for a run at 2pm, or 11pm, watch films, watch make-up tutorials on YouTube, read plays, scrapbook for HOURS, it really is a utopian lifestyle for me, the born-again, totally-devout procrastinator.

I have so much more to say but I’ll save it for my long-suffering journal pages. My mum thinks I’m getting too skinny, so keeps ‘treating’ me by leaving chocolate in the fridge to (her words, not mine) ‘fatten me up.’

I have to go now, there is a KitKat Chunky put in the fridge before I started writing- which should be perfectly chilled by the time I click Publish.

Enjoy the sunshine, mamasitas.

All my love, TAL. X